Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Feelings....nothing more than feelings

So today at my therapy session, I was enlightened....enlightened by the fact that I don't feel. That I don't get in touch with my feelings. I am really not totally sure what all this means, but from what my therapist says, it makes sense. For years when I am in relationships with people and there are emotional things that I myself cannot deal with, I shut those people and situations out. I would purposely stop being friends with people and I never really knew why, but now it makes sense...I didn't want to feel the emotions I may have had with this person or that person at a particular time.

What also makes sense is something my ex said to me constantly towards the end of our relationship..."How could you be so cold"? I never got it when he said it to me. But now it makes perfect sense. I've always been such a thinker...not a feeler. I really wish I could feel....I bet it would be amazing.

I need to figure this out...and of course I want to figure it out NOW....but something else I need to work on....Patience.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Why text messaging is bad for me

Text messaging....what an interesting communication method. And I have been using it more and more over the last 2 years. It's almost come to the point where I would rather communicate with someone via text message then talk to them on the phone. Maybe it's because I hate the bullshit (and always have) like 'Oh Hi - how are you?' 'How is your mom?' 'Did you ever get that wart taken care of that you told me about?'. I mean it's one thing if I am spending face time with you - I may inquire these things, but if I call you (or am thinking about calling you) it's because I want something (well, 99.6% of the time. Mom's = phone time). So that's where text messaging comes in. I can send 1 sentence and get an answer, without the bullshit. Well unless the person doesn't respond to the text message, but then you know, they are busy, or they don't want to engage in communication with you.

Text messaging is a wonderful thing for me, until alcohol is introduced. I recently have come down with the 'drunk text messaging' disease and sometimes I feel like I need to find the cure. However, at other times, it has panned out magically. So I am having a hard time deciding if it's a good thing for me or not. There have been more times than I can count one 2 hands that I wake up the next morning and go 'fuck did I really send that' - check my text messages, and 'bam' there is some ridiculous message sent to some other mobile device somewhere out there. And then of course, in the spirit of not letting myself get depressed or down about things I do, I say to myself, "Oh well, what can you do about it now?".